I know you know how it feels.
There’s a lot going on. You are focussing. You are doing your best.
And your body suddenly feels as though it’s the piece of your ‘self’ puzzle that’s about to go missing. You may succumb to whatever cold, flu or illness is making the rounds. You’re tempted to power through. But you can’t actually keep your balance.
You are in many places at one. Energetically, you are not intact.
Close your eyes.
Notice how your breath has not been full or deep or satisfying.
Now satisfy yourself with oxygen.
Let it move through you like untethered liquid honey. Let it bring sweetness and nourishment to every space inside you. Take as much time as you can. And then take a little more. breathe for yourself.
Sink your awareness into the middle of your belly.
Notice behind you how much of your energy has been flowing out behind you. Strands of your attention left attached to that woman you spoke to yesterday or that conversation with a parent last week that triggered a familiar feeling you forgot to notice. Call that strand back to your center.
Call back strands of yourself that you’ve been moving too swiftly ahead to notice, as you take care of all that you have to take care of Every.Single.Day. Take back the strands you did not even sense were clinging to someone else.
Where are your striving?
This is the place where colds germinate. This is an incubation zone that has been leased to the dominion of Strife. Strife is the woman who hasn’t learned to forgive God, let go of her anger, or create spaciousness. She likes to clutter her self with people who disappoint and fill her tub with tumultuous waters of irritation and anger. She quietly clamors for attention at the expense of her own peace.
Strife is so familiar. At least the feeling of her is familiar. She leaves long strands of herself in her past connecting her to those who have caused her discomfort, panic and steely-eyed anger.
Strife lives in the inner city. She is accustomed to being accosted and hearing sirens daily. She is beautiful.
She works hard to protect you. She was born at your most stressful times of life. Hers is the energy that takes over. She innately knows how to walk a tightrope. In fact, if she’s not on the tightrope, she feels sick. She keeps everything she touches smaller than it could be. Her ability to dream is stunted. She takes a cold, hard look at reality and makes up her mind to stay focussed. She can tether herself to the inside of your soul and take the steering wheel. She can make herself feel indispensible. She is strong.
In fact, so connected is the feeling to Strife that other energies can not be seen or felt.
CalmKnowing can not get our attention when Strife is in control.
CalmKnowing is connected to the future, not the past.
Clear out your insides with your own breath. Inhale. space. Inhale trust. Inhale the connection you have to the miracles of stardust and flow and serendipity.
Suddenly, she appears inside your belly. CalmKnowing can feel awkward when she first moves in but your moving breath settles her deeply into the deepest parts of your self.
CalmKnowing does not live in a rental suite in the inner city. She sails her seas on a boat of Trust.
And Trust has a way of letting her breathe.
Ask yourself today,
Where am I connecting to old patterns of strife?
Is it possible to sense an energy of calm?
If you can not sense your calm anywhere, intuitively visualize it.
See CalmKnowing outside yourself and breathe her in throughout your day.
See CalmKnowing riding her boat of Trust deep into your unconscious.
See her floating through the cells of your body.
See her pulling frazzled strands of DNA into line.
See her magically creating wild beauty.
Breathe in this vision.
Let it help you keep your sense of self intact.
As a child I constantly heard that I was too sensitive and people were frustrated with me because I was emotional. Sometimes I used to wonder why I was the only one crying and why other people weren’t crying!
Didn’t they feel the pain of the situation that was bringing me to tears?
Now I know, they did not feel what I felt. It wasn’t until I was an adult and took myself for years of counselling that I discovered I had a natural ability to carry other people’s burdens. I learned phrases like “empath” and “burden-bearer”. They may momentarily feel empathy for whatever the situation was, but they don’t actually take the feeling home with them, they don’t identify with it and struggle to find their own center again.
Are you a burden-bearer?
If you feel like you are carrying burdens, you are.
- News stories may affect you in such a way that you just can’t shake the feelings from them. If you’ve been exposed to negative stories, they seem to linger and affect your mood. It’s not as easy for you to shake those moods. You likely avoid the news and don’t watch TV much. As a child I was sometimes told to watch the news because it was important to be up to date on current events. My poor mom had NO IDEA what this did to me until one day she noticed that I was standing watching a story about someone having died in an accident and tears were streaming down my face. I was maybe 6 or 7 years old. Thankfully, that was the last time I had to watch the news. I do not watch the news to this day.
- You suddenly are feeling really strong emotions about a person, a topic or something and it almost seems as if these are not even your opinions or feelings. It might even feel like something has taken over inside you. You might be asking yourself, “Why did I say that? Why am I feeling that? I don’t know I felt that…” It feels like it’s just not yours and sometimes you wonder “Am I THAT permeable???” (Yes, you are but it’s actually pretty easy to shift this…ask me how.)
- People are always telling you you’re too sensitive or to toughen up. I certainly heard that one a lot growing up. (…also…”crybaby” was my nickname for a few years)
- You’re a pretty good listener and people seem to tell you their troubles all the time. In fact, you frequently find yourself having phone conversations where you never actually speak after “hello”. The other person talks until they stop and feel better. Unless you have the energetic skills built to withstand this, you usually leave the conversation quite deflated and tired.
- You may attract people who really suck your energy and you are not sure what to do about it. Some people refer to this as “energy vampires” but I was always afraid of vampires as a child so I don’t use that term. I’ve learned many ways to feel great even when I can’t remove that person from my life. I can teach you how to do this too!
- It feels like people are subconsciously picking up on how goodnatured you are and sometimes when you walk into a room you feel as though you’ve stepped into a thick soup. Almost as though your primal fight/flight/freeze/faint response has kicked in. If people are stressed, you seem to feel stressed and don’t know quite how it happened. If people are angry or frustrated, and you weren’t before you walked into the room, you feel off balance and have this urge to hide in the bathroom or something. It may take time before you even become aware that all those feelings are NOT YOURS. They’ve stuck to you like a burr in the forest.
It’s actually not that hard to find your center and stay there. The hard part is remembering those negative feelings are JUST NOT YOU. It’s not your fault and it’s a beautiful sign that your boundaries are being tested. You can master this, by the way! There are nurturing ways to care for your gifts (yes, being an empath is a gift and not a curse) and it just takes practice.
“As we grow older, especially if we are outer-directed, it is not difficult to find more and more to whine about. This poses a risk of a negative transformation into the archetypal martyr-mother.”
“She resisted the temptation to call me up and whine when confronted with the daunting task of unpacking and beginning a new life. Instead she play-acted an exaggerated version of her whiner, with just herself as the audience, and then kept on with what had to be done.” (Crones Don’t Whine by Jean Shinoda Bolen)
So I suggest taking time for yourself.
Eat food you love.
Watch the sun rise because it reassures you and is nourishment for your soul.
Moon gaze because it reminds you of the connections you have to stardust.
If you feel whiny I really think you just need more time to yourself. Go inward.